its quiet here tonight ....
quiet as in there are no kid noises.
i hear the fan in the girls room, the flag outside blowing in the wind, the cows, the shaker in the orchard - its harvest. bucket's barking at something. even the radio is on and yet it's quiet : )
the couch was cleaned today - by a professional. the pen, the markers, the crayons, the silly putty, the dirt, the oil, the chocolate - it's all gone & i'm tickled.
so instead i'm sitting in the leather chair - the desk seemed too hard.
and i thought with all this quiet i'd sit here and talk about .....
this week marks 20 weeks.
it seems almost weird to me to be half way through this pregnancy & this is really the first time here to actually be talking about it.
goes to show that there is way more to our life than what is talked about here : ) 'cause in real life this baby has been a big deal.
back in janurary the night we came home from the hospital after the miscarriage on facebook there was news of a sweet friend who was just pregnant. a few days later another & another and honestly another. and a few more after that. and i thought 'really God, every last girl i know is now pregnant & i would have been too & i'm not now and i'm not sure how ok i am with that.' so the every last girl i know part was a bit of an exaggeration but you get the idea. i'm convinced that God was going to help me be ok with that because it wasn't any longer after that that i got a phone call & then a text and two more babies were on their way. these weren't just any girls they were .... they were .... well it was different and ....
i was going to need to be ok .... and then a really amazing thing happened ....
i was ok. in fact i could really seriously be excited about that phone call & ecstatic about that text.
crazy excited actually.
and while i thought selfish things like they can all be huge this summer : ) i began getting comfortable with where we were. i was content. really truly content. and it absolutely amazed me 'cause it wasn't a fight or a struggle. the wish, the ahhh, the but's .... God just took. isn't that what He is so good at? taking our burdens.
maybe we were actually done with the little baby phase of life & i'd have to agree with all the ladies who've told me how it really does go fast ... those first years. we really were done with highchairs & infant seats & it wasn't the absolute end of the world if a kid missed a nap & i liked shopping for 'skinny' clothes & we'd have more kids in school this fall than not & ....
we were where God wanted us. and i was so overwhelmed at really how content i was. and i could go to the baby showers & the hospitals and genuinely congratulate my new mom friends again. i didn't leave wishing, hoping, wanting. honestly it was all quite the opposite & i thought wow how good is God. He knows what is best way before we figure it out & when we finally catch up there is such sweetness & peace at that place.
fast forward : )
i was convinced my period would start. rex was convinced it wouldn't. he said two blue lines were two blue lines. i said one was pretty light so it probably wasn't a real blue line. after the 3rd set of blue lines he thought maybe i should just concede a period ever starting .... at least for the next nine months anyway.
we were pregnant again. again! but what about where we were? what about that sweet place of being content? what about the next 'phase' of life? what about being all done with infant seats, etc. you want to know something ..... i was kind of back to that same place of needing to be ok with it.
i wasn't. every other set of two blue lines before that was met with an excitement. a wow. a really! a yes. this set was met with a really? really! really?
rex was excited : ) he's always been .... why do you think there have been so many sets of blue lines ; )
without seeming too abrupt i think we'll stop here & retype the line from a couple paragraphs earlier .....
& i thought wow how good is God. He knows what is best way before we figure it out & when we finally catch up there is such sweetness & peace at that place.
'cause that's finally where i am again.
before regan was born we'd kind of figured out our pregnancies - extreme tired meant a girl/throwing up sick meant boy. we never officially found out regan was a girl but we knew. we didn't really have boys name. i only brought girl things to the hospital.
she was a girl : )
so this time we figured we had the whole boy/girl question in a bag.
tired? vs sick?
i love God. He is not ok with comfortable : )
maybe it's twins .... i wasn't just tired. i never threw up. it wasn't like i felt fine & could just fall asleep. to say i had 'morning sickness' wasn't really true either. i was just shot.
even now it makes me laugh & in spite of the difference i had my guess. my pretty confident guess.
rex practically fell asleep during the sonogram. you know how they make the room all nice & dark & i was convinced he'd start snoring any second & what would that look like to the tech ..... he's real excited, ha!
we have to decide if we're telling the kids - they are begging to know what our baby will be.
january can't come fast enough ~
for the record - its not twins ; )
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