we went to napa today. today i was at each house where my grandma's lived. one hasn't lived there in over 20 years. the other moved out today. i remember wooden angels & electric candles at christmas time in the window of the house on the left. i remember fake gold garland and colored lights on the tree that sat in the back porch from the house on the right. today i'll remember crying when i walked into grandma's house. i carried molly and bit my lip as i whispered in molly's ear how this was mommy's grandma's house - thinking she'll never know it like i did. i'll remember how grandma really doesn't live there anymore. i'll remember that grandpa cried & kissed her cheek goodbye when he left her in her new home around the corner and up the hill. grandma has alzheimer's. her house is still the same - but she isn't. and in a funky way - my other grandma is the same in my memories from years & years ago but her house is so very different. i cried on the phone tonight talking to amie about today. grandma recognized me today - she told me she wasn't ready for christmas. she looked lost. i told her i wasn't ready for christmas either. its been a really long time since christmas has been at my one grandma's house - but this'll be the first year that we probably won't be going to grandma's . . . whether or not i'm ready . . .
but christmas will still be merry ~
- - -
a couple random shots from tonight.
sailor carried the camera to the car - some of these are her's.
- - -
this picture was on the camera when i uploaded the rest - sitting with daddy on the counter, with part of the gingerbread house & milk - life is good : )
- - -
No comments:
Post a Comment