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december started and there were two things i wanted -
1. to run alot.
2. have a peaceful month.
the last six months have been different than any other in our married lives. highs. lows. ups. downs. good. bad. fun. hard. easy. stressful. confusing. simple. relaxing. lots of work.
but on top of that, or maybe in spite of it . . . or even because of it, i'm wanting to, trying to be peaceful. not just because of 'the holidays' or unemployment. life is a whole different kind of normal and until that normal changes to something else - its best to just accept it for what it is.
so i've been more in tune to peaceful things. verses. cards. songs. even the kids library books have talked about peace.
peace - a calmness. a lack of mental worry.
after all worry is sin.
be anxious for nothing.
it's ok that we've stayed up late & slept in. that school happens at different times on different days. that i'm loosing my edge at doing mornings by myself. etc. etc.
it wasn't ironic - God is too sovereign to be ironic - that i got a call last tuesday letting me know about something happening that night.
i was planning on going to a bridal shower.
instead i went to a place i'd never been. saw things i'd never seen. heard things i'd never heard. i don't know why i was a bit nervous on my way. there was no pressure - nothing was expected of me, i was just apart of the crowd. it just brought up a lot of old stuff, i guess . . .
i sat and listened. i knew who was talking. a few times i looked around thinking no one there knew my connection or why i was there. i could close my eyes and hear his voice and picture hundreds of memories. but the words that night were different - i had few memories for the words he was saying. i bit my lip around the time he bit his.
when it was over i walked out crying - not really caring who saw my tears. they didn't know who i was or that it was my name that was mentioned. i believed what i heard. i also believe in a God much bigger than sin. i believe in a God who cares about hurts and is good at healing - who doesn't take away 'old stuff', but is good at using it for His plans. i've always been such a black & white person - i'm learning how to fit all the gray areas of life into the blacks and whites. i think God is okay with questions, the why's and how come's - He's big enough to handle them.
on the one hand it seemed to have come at a funky time - the month i pick to be about peace . . . that old stuff and peace, didn't exactly go together . . .
he ended his talk with a song that again i thought was almost ironic - maybe i get my song thing from him . . . i think i'll end this with this song.
i heard my dad's testimony that night -
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it snowed here last week - no, it really did. not enough to stick - the first picture is from the day it snowed. the next two mornings were below freezing cold & absolutely beautiful with frost everywhere. in rex's boot, an old nightgown, some jeans & a coat i went out - till my finger was too cold to push the button.
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i've ran . . . more miles than any other month
i'm working on peace . . . .
i'm glad i went that night.
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